Words: Its Impact on People

I am a writer. After fighting this gift given to me, I am finally acknowledging it. I am writer. As writer, words are my world. As a child one hears words used to describe herself from other people--her parents, siblings, friends, teachers--we sometimes do not realize the impact these descriptions have on that child. If she always hears positive things about herself, then a positive image develops but if all she hears are negative descriptions, then a negative image of herself emerges.

As parents, it is important for us to constantly praise our children's efforts to accomplish things--even the smallest achievement and praise is worth more than a million to our child. Effort is what matters. Criticizing an effort is a sure way to kill our child's desire to try something new. As parenting expert Maribel Sison Dionisio always says, "we are our child's cheerleaders."

But what about those traits that should be corrected? Go about correcting them quietly. Say nothing about his negative trait but act on correcting it to the best of our ability.

Talk to your friends about how good your child is and not how bad your child is. Focusing on his positive traits will surely lead him on the right track to a positive self-image. And that is what we want to give him--a positive self-image to enable him to accomplish his goals in life.

On being a parent

I believe that parenting our children is our most important job. Unfortunately, it is the job that we are least prepared to handle. We have been taught our maths and letters, we have been taught skills to use at work. But the skills of raising a child is sorely lacking in all of us.

Some might disagree with this and say but we clothe them, we send them to school, we give them what they need. And I agree with this. There is, however, a part that remains unattended and left to chance--their emotional and spiritual growth. By spiritual I don't mean religion. By spiritual I mean their person. Who we are at the deepest level of our being. This is the part that is the least nurtured. This is so, not because parents don't want to nurture this part, it is so because we don't know what to do to nurture this part. We parent the way we were raised because there is no other way to learn the skill of parenting.

Parents today are lucky because there are resources that abound. There are books, magazines, even speakers who talk about raising children. I am one of those who advocate for the child through better parenting practices. After all, the parent is the child's main formator. The teachers and other mentors are just their partners.

Children are God's gifts to humankind. They were given in our care to nurture, grow and guide so that they can reach their true potential. Reaching their potential and their destiny will be difficult, however, if they carry their hurts and bruises until they die.

My partners and I will reach out to parents through seminars and workshops that will help them nurture their child's inner life.

Time with the kids

I am 42 years old with an active one year old son. I have been working for 20 years now and don't know any other way of life. I have had the pleasure of staying home these past few days and yesterday witnessed interactions that brought home the importance of being available to the kids.

It was merienda time and Jenny, my sister-in-law who works from home, had merienda for the kids. There was boiled saba mixed with condensed milk that needed crushed ice. She brought out her ice crusher and the kids had the time of their lives cranking it up and making crushed ice for their merienda. The laughter and the light in their eyes was something to see.

In my years with Working Mom Magazine, all the experts say that it is times like these that the children treasure. How can one create times like this if one is absent from home?

In the company of kids

Kids--they seem to rule my world these days. They HAVE ruled my world--ever since my first nephew was born almost 10 years ago--I have preferred to spend time with them rather than dawdle at the dining room. I keep them company while the rest of the adult world are doing adult stuff. I entertained them with their cars--creating cliffs and ravines with the pillows for the cars to run down and turn turtle. They learned that word from me.

Why now though, now that it's my son's turn to get that fun piece of me, do I find myself turning into the adult I have dreaded? Where is that fun woman who got into the world of the other children? Although I can still crawl under the table with him, I find myself running out of things to do with him. I am determined to find her--and show Javo that person. I need to look for activities to do with him. What is a sedentary, usually couch-potato person, going to play with an active, ready-to-explore the world toddler?

I am hiding behind this post to get my energy and interact with Javo the way I know I can. I should stop hiding, go out and play.

The order of things

I am home now when I usually am at the office at this time. I am taking a leap of faith and resigning in a week. It's time to pursue what's closest to my heart--that of being the voice for children. First things first though, I need to get my household in order. I haven't really had time to orient my yaya and inform her of our expectations. This I intend to do before the end of the day. I believe this is what is stopping the magic once more.
There seems to be so much detail involved in keeping house. And my house consists of one room and a bathroom since we live with the rest of the family. How does one straddle the middle ground--being kind but firm--to the people who help us raise our children. I guess like any relationship, it's all in communication.
Thank goodness for the book Keep it Together before chaos by Frannie S. Daez...it is helping me get my act together...starting today.

Sleepless Last Night

Tossed and turned beyond 3 AM. The past few weeks replaying in my head, not quite in the way they happened, but in the way my vicious mind said they should have happened. I lay awake imaging what was not. I got more miserable by the minute. By dawn, I was angry.

The daughter suffered a terrible blow yesterday. After weeks of intense preparation for a sports event in school, she lost. I watched her crumble. I experienced her terrible disappointment. I wanted to take away all her pain. But I was paralyzed. Her entire team wrapped her in a huddle, shielding off others from seeing her in tears. I couldn't find the strength to break into the circle. I couldn't even summon up the words of comfort. I stiffened up, felt trapped somehow. When she needed me most, I just couldn't make myself emotionally available to her. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, suddenly shrunk into a helpless inch, shoved into a bottle of my own critical thoughts.

At my daughter's lowest point, I collapsed into self blame. I kept accusing myself of not doing enough. I beat myself up. I tortured myself with regret. And, unfortunately, made myself emotionally unavailable to her. I hated myself and lost the precious chance to be there for my daughter. This afternoon, bleary eyed and punch drunk with fatigue, the truth dawned on me: the cliche is right. You can only give your kids the love you have for yourself. If there's not much love there from you for you, your kids lose out.

Quality time and quality life

Up to a few weeks ago, my time with family seemed to be punctuated with impatience. I arrived home, carried Javo for a few minutes and gave him back to his yaya. Played with him for a few minutes then returned him again. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Why did I not want to spend so much time and effort with my baby who is so sweet and loving?

The same was true with my relationship with Martin. More and more often I would be impatient and snap for no apparent reason. So much so that he said if I was like that now, what would life be like when I reached the menopausal stage.

At work, I would get irritated at the slightest problem. It was all over me--this gloom, doom, and beware the cat with hidden claws and fangs. And then it happened.

The experience is as life-altering as the Landmark Forum experience--at least to me it was. A few weeks ago I was introduced to this sanitary napkin that has an anion strip in it. The anion strip contains thousands of negative ions which is found in rain, forest, ocean, waterfalls. Apparently these negative ions help with mood, gives high energy, helps control bacteria too.

Since I began using these pads, I have had more energy to play with Javo--I can lift him in the air, play energetically with him for as long as I want, and be patient with him when I need to be patient. I have also been more patient with Martin and things at work. All in all, this has been a miraculous find for me. It has changed my life in so very many positive ways. Although this has been its effect on me, on others the surge in energy may not be as noticeable--maybe just a bit more energy to run the extra mile but nonetheless it has made an impact in our lives

I now have more energy, patience, and love to do what needs to be done--both at home and at work. I didn't realize how big an impact fatigue played on my life until then.

life changes

Last night was a testimony to how much my life has changed. I am a mother to a nine-month old boy. Life before that was carefree--all I had to think about was myself. I could spend or not spend at my whim without having to think of consequences to others. Today, I find myself withholding on myself as things for Javo are now paramount--his milk, his diapers, his health, his comfort.

I sit here typing with half an ear towards the room in case he wakes up. His yaya is sick and getting well and so his care falls to me. The night before as I was caring for him, I had to take a work-related call and looking for someone to turn him over to was an experience. So was the panic yesterday when I received a text message about a meeting at 10:30--it was 10:30 and I was still in my home clothes--with no yaya and Martin had left on an errand. It's a good thing someone was able to take him while Martin was gone.

I'm new to this--this pull between home and work. I know my baby comes first but what about my responsibility to the office. But then again, what about my responsibility to my family?