Looking for Marla

In an effort to understand myself, my reactions to situations, my relationship with my child, my husband and the rest of the world, I have discovered that we develop personas that help us cope with life. I found this out through the various personal transformation workshops I have been attending since 2005.

This persona appeared while we were children, growing up in an adult world and life would sometimes bring us situations which we could not understand. It appeared to help us cope with the situations that come our way. I discovered that I deal with life by disappearing or hiding from what is happening around me.

This hiding comes in the form of denial of talents, of procrastinating when I am faced with a nasty situation, and anxiety when surrounded by a room full of strangers among many others.

Every once in a while though, this Marla who was "born to shine a light on the world" (paraphrased from Marianne Williamson's words) insists on being noticed. She comes out when I face my fears head on and come out triumphant. She appeared when I lived in Spain for a year. She appears each time I agree to speak in front of an audience.

She is here now when I finally acknowledged that writing is my Godgiven talent and one way for me to shine a light in the world. I always thought that one had to be visual to be creative and so I always complained of my inability to draw, to do crafts, to imagine pictures in my head the way others would.

Marla the writer has been waiting to be acknowledged. She pushed her way out today by insisting on writing about her journey of discovery. I finally acknowledge that writing is my gift. That it was given to me together with my ability to dissect my inner life and my willingness to share of my journey with others. This is my way of letting my light show.

It is an exciting journey, one worth taking and living.