Silvermother's adventures

Loving Javo

2011-08-11T10:11:00.004+08:00

Javo just left for school. He has been home the past few days due to a bad cold and his doctor's advise to rest. I am happy he loves the school and his teachers. When his bus service arrives, he goes to the gate running although always remembers to tell us he loves us. He once came back from the gate because he forgot to tell papi he loved him.

I marvel at his energy, his curiosity, his sensitivity, his determination--sometimes they get me exasperated, exhausted, frustrated, and angry--but most of the time I just love watching him at play and listening to his conversation. When he is excited, his words are all strung up together and come out gibberish. His brain must be going a mile a minute. I have to slow him down so that his words become legible and I can understand him. He becomes frustrated when he is not understood and sometimes gives up. When he does this, I ask him to try once more because mommy is trying to understand him too.

I love the look in his eyes when I finally get him. I love it when his face reflects his excitement, his wonder at something new, his anger, and all the other emotions he feels. I take it to mean he feels safe enough with me that he can express them openly.

One of the many things I have learned from parenting expert, Maribel Sison Dionisio, is that we must be our child's greatest cheerleader and catch them doing good instead of catch them doing bad. I am learning that emphasis should be on the positive and not the negative. The negatives can be corrected silently.

Motherhood for me has been one great adventure after another with pitfalls and unexpected curves but unconditional love will always see us through.

Pride in the Azkal team

2011-07-29T17:01:00.002+08:00

The Azkal-Kuwait game is currently being replayed. We just finished watching the one goal our team made and the feeling of euphoria and pride was just as strong as when we first saw it during the live game last night.

We brought Javo to watch the football game together with his cousins. The atmosphere of watching a live game is more electric and brings out pride in our nation.

Rizal Memorial Stadium was full despite the rains and threat of downpours. We came ready with our raincoats and Martin's trapal from the market. Just as we were leaving the house to go to Rizal, the rain poured--giving us warning of what might be ahead. When we got there, it was like a carnival with entrepreneurs opening their trunks and selling all kinds of paraphernalia for the game. Of course the big sponsors were there with all kinds of items to be given away or sold. One could feel the excitement and anticipation all around. People were walking to their gates and looking for friends to go in together.

Cheers and screams in support of our team could be heard throughout the game. The loudest of course came when that goal was done. Our team did their best and gave us a great game. All the attempts and near-goals were proof of that. We just slowly build up our teamwork and one day we will get there.

Javo and his relationship with loli and lala

2011-07-02T18:14:00.003+08:00

I left Javo this morning to supervise a photo shoot. He was throwing a tantrum because he couldn't watch the movie he wanted and we couldn't go and buy the gifts for his classmates's party. Somehow Martin was able to handle it and they had a peaceful day.

On picking me up this afternoon Martin tells me that Javo and lala had this long conversation going on. I am happy about that because this peace between them took some work and adjustment. As Javo's personality is different from his cousins, it took mom quite a while to understand and understand how to relate to him. I believe they finally have a cool relationship going on.

Javo's relationship to loli is something else althogether. Despite the many bribes of candy, chocolates and whatever else he wants to eat, Javo still refuses to go with him or kiss him.

Mom told me that one of their conversations was about his refusal to go with Dad. When asked why, he told lala that loli's voice is loud.

I so get Javo because I myself become anxious when faced with a loud person--whether loud as in a booming voice or just loud as in obnoxious personality. My heart beats anxiously and my instinct is to get away from that person as fast as I can.

The best way to deal with us is to be calm and peaceful. We cannot give of ourselves because all we want to do is get away from the presence that troubles us.

Master chef Javo and school baon

2011-06-29T15:36:00.003+08:00

Javo continues to enjoy school. He looks forward to going to his "other" school--OLL--located near the house but farther than Alres (his school the past year). He enjoys his time with Teacher Osam (Osang) and his friends and classmates.

OLL has made school transitioning easy for the young ones and the first time students by having them come in on a staggered basis and on short time spans for the first two weeks. Today was the first time he had snack time. He goes to school 11am-130pm but had class till 1pm today. So snack is lunch...

What to bring though. Javo has always had his own sense of taste. We survived on furikake (the Japanese rice toppings) and nori on rice for the first few years. He then moved on to peanut butter as a constant fallback (peanut butter with rice and olive oil). He would sometimes eat galunggong complete with its head or barbecue if his taste buds wanted them.

Worried about his eating habits and his being way underweight, I would ask my Tita Sani Orbeta for advise on what to give. She said as long as he ate something, was active and wasn't losing weight he was fine. She also said that kids love soft food so rice with soup--he would sometimes take that. Although clear soup is more to his liking. He would rather eat vegetables than meat. I recently discovered that bola-bola of miswa is fine too.

He is currently into bread toast with butter, sugar and syrup. That is one of his favorites and has replaced peanut butter and furikake as a constant. His food repertoire has increased to include hotdog, bacon, pancake, chocnut, and chocolate cake. Chicken is also on his list--boiled and not fried. He also likes shabu-shabu.

Going back to baon, I asked him what he wanted to bring for baon today. He said rice, butter, olive oil and peanuts. Peanuts! I didn't have those around. There was casoy so I looked for that. Unfortunately it could not be found. Since he likes parmesan cheese, I put that instead. I had him try it before finally closing the container to make sure he would eat it. "Sawap mommy!" was my reaction to the concoction. After preparing that we found the casoy so he had rice, butter, olive oil, parmesan cheese, and casoy for baon today.

Having to deal with his eating habits, I read some books on picky eaters. They all said not to worry too much as kids know how much food they can take. My doctors also advised speech therapy as his oral development may also be part of the cause for his eating habits.

My Javo also refuses to be called pare or mister or any other name. He will only answer to Javo except when you call him Master Chef Javo. Maybe his taste buds will lead him somewhere after all.

Looking for Marla

2011-06-24T16:52:00.004+08:00

In an effort to understand myself, my reactions to situations, my relationship with my child, my husband and the rest of the world, I have discovered that we develop personas that help us cope with life. I found this out through the various personal transformation workshops I have been attending since 2005.

This persona appeared while we were children, growing up in an adult world and life would sometimes bring us situations which we could not understand. It appeared to help us cope with the situations that come our way. I discovered that I deal with life by disappearing or hiding from what is happening around me.

This hiding comes in the form of denial of talents, of procrastinating when I am faced with a nasty situation, and anxiety when surrounded by a room full of strangers among many others.

Every once in a while though, this Marla who was "born to shine a light on the world" (paraphrased from Marianne Williamson's words) insists on being noticed. She comes out when I face my fears head on and come out triumphant. She appeared when I lived in Spain for a year. She appears each time I agree to speak in front of an audience.

She is here now when I finally acknowledged that writing is my Godgiven talent and one way for me to shine a light in the world. I always thought that one had to be visual to be creative and so I always complained of my inability to draw, to do crafts, to imagine pictures in my head the way others would.

Marla the writer has been waiting to be acknowledged. She pushed her way out today by insisting on writing about her journey of discovery. I finally acknowledge that writing is my gift. That it was given to me together with my ability to dissect my inner life and my willingness to share of my journey with others. This is my way of letting my light show.

It is an exciting journey, one worth taking and living.

Javo goes to school

2011-06-24T11:52:00.003+08:00

Javo turned four years old last April--with that comes another milestone--the beginning of school. Although he has been going to "school" this past year with his speech and occupational therapists, this is his first year in formal school.

When I first brought him to the school of our choice last April, his face held a mix of emotions. Excitement at the thought of going to a new school and anxiety at the thought of being left alone. I had informed him that we would take him to school and then pick him up when he was done--that we would not wait in school.

Seeing his reaction, I found various ways to introduce to him the concept of school--through the children's books at home on going to school and pointing out how all his cousins went to school by themselves. I would talk to him about school every now and then and would get the same reaction--excitement and anxiety.

The week before classes began, I still had the same reaction from him. But suddenly a few days before we started he told me, "I will go to school by myself. No papi and no mommy." I was so happy about that attitude reversal but was still prepared to stay in case he changed his mind.

The day of school arrived. He could not wait till his class began and so he was ready at 8am for his 11am class. I told him that we would bring him in that day because his bag was heavy with the school requirements. We ate a heavy merienda at 10am and left for school at 1030am. True enough, after a few minutes in the school premises and trying the different playground equipment, he bids us goodbye.

What is a mom to do except go away as requested. So Martin and I left him in the capable hands of his teacher. I left happy that he had chosen to be left on his own and felt like crying because he was growing up so fast. My independent toddler is now an independent preschooler.

We went back to school early so that we would be there when his class came out. They came out in a straight line single file. My boy was all smiles and clearly enjoyed his first day in school! This is just the beginning of what I hope would be a great experience for him.

Loosening up and bath time

2011-06-07T09:37:00.004+08:00

We brought Javo to watch Kung Fu Panda 2 in the big screen recently. Aside from the entertainment value to kids of all ages, it had very many messages for those on the road to personal transformation.

Javo enjoyed it immensely and amidst WOWs and OOOHHHs from him, mom had her own revelations and enjoyed the same movie in a different way. I finally got loosening up and just in time too--for our Mommy-Javo ten day bonding time. I finally got enjoying his company and our differences.

Among the many different areas where we have our differences is during bath time. I used to have such a difficult time getting him in there because I wanted to finish the bath fast and I wanted to stay dry. Unfortunately that route meant a lot of whining and cajoling and a whole lot of delaying tactics. I finally get that he just enjoys having fun so now I bring a whole lot of toys for bath time and most of the time end up getting drenched but at least my objective of a bath is reached and we are both happy.

Growing in inner confidence

2009-11-22T10:27:00.004+08:00

As an adult, I lived my life searching for the meaning of my life. Searching for answers to questions of who I was and what I was meant to do.

I lived my life trying to please other people but to my frustration, I could never please everyone. More often than not, I seemed to fall short of other people's measuring stick. And so I lived my life feeling there was something wrong with me and began a long love-hate relationship with myself. I did not realize that this way of relating to myself was a surefire way of insuring a life of failure and mediocrity. I lived this way for the majority of my life until 2005 when I was introduced to the world of personal transformation. Life has been one of growth and adventure since then.

I have been an avid student of personal transformation for close to four years now and my life and how I perceive the world I live in has taken a 365-degree turn. It is in this world where I came to understand myself. I came to understand that I was born perfect--in the image and likeness of God. I was given everything I need to fulfill my life mission when I was born--from my personality to my life experiences. That underneath all the imperfections of myself today, is a perfect being waiting to unfold. That I am perfect where I am in my life today. That my experiences--successes and failures--are there to teach me lessons to prepare me for my purpose.

I have been learning that loving and believing in myself is the most important key to my success. Living my life as I see fit and not as others think I should live my life. Of course, there are values to live by such as integrity and respect for others. Being able to live my life as I see fit is only possible though, with love and respect for myself.

Before my life of transformation, I would always doubt the inner voice directing me to do things. I would not listen and instead do what others dictated me to do. In doing this, I was slowly destroying the spirit in me. I was slowly destroying myself. I have now begun to listen to inner voice. To accept the wisdom that she has about what she is capable of being and doing. I have also come to accept praise from others. I would always brush them aside but doing this was not helpful to who I was. As I come to accept myself, I grow stronger in confidence and my ability to be and do what I was born to do.

Gwowing up with my child

2009-09-11T14:04:00.000+08:00

I had my baby two years ago when I was 41 years old. You'd think I would have been prepared to care for him and nurture him since I was in my 40s when I had him.

Unfortunately, I was rejecting him. I could not understand why I could not seem to care enough to breastfeed, to play and just enjoy the precious moments. I would care for him though--feed him, bathe him, sing to him when needed, change his nappies--all physical activities showed my love for him. I wasn't enjoying it though--the way my husband and in-laws all enjoyed him.

It was only a year after giving birth did I attend a workshop called Reparenting the Child Within. It showed me that one of my deepest hurts was a rejection of myself. I felt I was not good enough for anything. I was not worthy of being noticed, of being part of this world. This self-rejection manifested itself through a rejection of my baby. It was not my baby but myself I was rejecting. Thank goodness I am working on this and I am on the road to finally loving myself and believing in my worthiness.

My son is now two years old. My infant too, is now a toddler. After caring and playing with my son for two or three hours straight, my toddler also cries out to be noticed. It is only recently that I realized what was happening. When this begins to happen, I turn over my son to my husband and pay attention to myself.

This may sound strange but it shows up by making me crabby and I feel like throwing tantrums at everyone around me. When I stop to listen to what is going on within, I realize that my inner self is crying out and that is why this anger, this irritation, this impatience, this desire to do what I want and not pay attention to anyone. Sometimes our children bring out the best in us and sometimes they bring out the worst in us. It is the worst in us which we should look into as it says something about what we need.

All is quiet as I write this. My son is asleep and I am doing what I enjoy--reading and writing--all is peaceful within as well.

Asserting my Self

2009-09-11T11:26:00.002+08:00

Something happened at work yesterday--I spoke up and had my views heard. Never in a million years could I have imagined that day would come.
I lived life in fear. Although I was present on a daily basis, I would cower into myself by saying yes to everyone--whether I agreed with what was being said or not. I was proud of being the chameleon--changing my views to suit the group I was with.
Little did I realize that doing this meant I did not have my own voice. That I was allowing others to live my life for me. I enabled people to step on me by being subservient to their desires. This habit also left me with an inability to choose and decide for myself. At work, I always deferred to the choices and decisions of others even when I had an opinion. I had no preference for food when I was with others. I could not choose my clothes because I needed the approval of others.
It is after going through hundreds of workshops and years of searching that I realize that it was a lack of love for myself that had me doing those things. It is when a sense of being worthy or when love of self is present that this inability to be assertive disappears because then we are sure of ourselves and approval comes from within and not from without.

How can we start developing our ability to assert ourselves?
1. Practice choosing and deciding--where to eat when asked. State your preferences and don't say "I don't know, where would you want to go?"
2. Practice making yourself heard--even taking small baby steps. Voice out what you want to do. How you feel about certain topics no matter how small they are.

Listening to My Child

2009-07-23T10:15:00.004+08:00

I finally realize what it is--this inability to be productive after a particularly hectic day or days. It's my inner child calling out for attention. I can just imagine her putting her hands over my head so nothing comes out until I talk to her. Until I acknowledge her existence and what she has to say to me.
The past year has been an exciting journey with more exciting journeys ahead of us. She is telling me that this blog will be a big part of our lives from now on. That child within each of us that helps us live our lives to the fullest is just waiting to be released--yours and mine. She is calling me to lead the way--to shine our light on our adventure.
Welcome to my blog. Where I will share my thoughts on growing up, enjoying family, loving children, enjoying parents.

Accept myself, accept my son

2009-04-07T10:58:00.002+08:00

It is almost a year since my first blog entry. In it I asked why I could not seem to bond and enjoy my son's company the way I do the others.

Almost a year later, I realize that it was because I could not accept myself. It is unfortunate that how we feel about ourselves is sometimes reflected on the way we behave with our children. I know in my case it was. I was constantly rejecting myself and I was constantly rejecting my son. In accepting myself I now accept the one person who is totally connected to me. In loving myself, I am finally capable of loving.

Our own space

2009-03-04T16:13:00.002+08:00

Last November 2008, we chose to take a leap of faith and moved out into our own little space. It was a gamble worth taking. We now have our own space where we can just be ourselves without having to constantly be on the defensive. Some of our actions in the past were constantly met with criticism.

It may not be the path others will take but this is our path and our path alone. It has been a great four months. We are happy and content and just joyful to be.

Words: Its Impact on People

2008-09-19T08:38:00.003+08:00

I am a writer. After fighting this gift given to me, I am finally acknowledging it. I am writer. As writer, words are my world. As a child one hears words used to describe herself from other people--her parents, siblings, friends, teachers--we sometimes do not realize the impact these descriptions have on that child. If she always hears positive things about herself, then a positive image develops but if all she hears are negative descriptions, then a negative image of herself emerges.

As parents, it is important for us to constantly praise our children's efforts to accomplish things--even the smallest achievement and praise is worth more than a million to our child. Effort is what matters. Criticizing an effort is a sure way to kill our child's desire to try something new. As parenting expert Maribel Sison Dionisio always says, "we are our child's cheerleaders."

But what about those traits that should be corrected? Go about correcting them quietly. Say nothing about his negative trait but act on correcting it to the best of our ability.

Talk to your friends about how good your child is and not how bad your child is. Focusing on his positive traits will surely lead him on the right track to a positive self-image. And that is what we want to give him--a positive self-image to enable him to accomplish his goals in life.

On being a parent

2008-05-30T13:22:00.002+08:00

I believe that parenting our children is our most important job. Unfortunately, it is the job that we are least prepared to handle. We have been taught our maths and letters, we have been taught skills to use at work. But the skills of raising a child is sorely lacking in all of us.

Some might disagree with this and say but we clothe them, we send them to school, we give them what they need. And I agree with this. There is, however, a part that remains unattended and left to chance--their emotional and spiritual growth. By spiritual I don't mean religion. By spiritual I mean their person. Who we are at the deepest level of our being. This is the part that is the least nurtured. This is so, not because parents don't want to nurture this part, it is so because we don't know what to do to nurture this part. We parent the way we were raised because there is no other way to learn the skill of parenting.

Parents today are lucky because there are resources that abound. There are books, magazines, even speakers who talk about raising children. I am one of those who advocate for the child through better parenting practices. After all, the parent is the child's main formator. The teachers and other mentors are just their partners.

Children are God's gifts to humankind. They were given in our care to nurture, grow and guide so that they can reach their true potential. Reaching their potential and their destiny will be difficult, however, if they carry their hurts and bruises until they die.

My partners and I will reach out to parents through seminars and workshops that will help them nurture their child's inner life.

Time with the kids

2008-05-27T10:39:00.004+08:00

I am 42 years old with an active one year old son. I have been working for 20 years now and don't know any other way of life. I have had the pleasure of staying home these past few days and yesterday witnessed interactions that brought home the importance of being available to the kids.

It was merienda time and Jenny, my sister-in-law who works from home, had merienda for the kids. There was boiled saba mixed with condensed milk that needed crushed ice. She brought out her ice crusher and the kids had the time of their lives cranking it up and making crushed ice for their merienda. The laughter and the light in their eyes was something to see.

In my years with Working Mom Magazine, all the experts say that it is times like these that the children treasure. How can one create times like this if one is absent from home?

In the company of kids

2008-05-26T15:56:00.002+08:00

Kids--they seem to rule my world these days. They HAVE ruled my world--ever since my first nephew was born almost 10 years ago--I have preferred to spend time with them rather than dawdle at the dining room. I keep them company while the rest of the adult world are doing adult stuff. I entertained them with their cars--creating cliffs and ravines with the pillows for the cars to run down and turn turtle. They learned that word from me.

Why now though, now that it's my son's turn to get that fun piece of me, do I find myself turning into the adult I have dreaded? Where is that fun woman who got into the world of the other children? Although I can still crawl under the table with him, I find myself running out of things to do with him. I am determined to find her--and show Javo that person. I need to look for activities to do with him. What is a sedentary, usually couch-potato person, going to play with an active, ready-to-explore the world toddler?

I am hiding behind this post to get my energy and interact with Javo the way I know I can. I should stop hiding, go out and play.

The order of things

2008-05-26T14:01:00.004+08:00

I am home now when I usually am at the office at this time. I am taking a leap of faith and resigning in a week. It's time to pursue what's closest to my heart--that of being the voice for children. First things first though, I need to get my household in order. I haven't really had time to orient my yaya and inform her of our expectations. This I intend to do before the end of the day. I believe this is what is stopping the magic once more.
There seems to be so much detail involved in keeping house. And my house consists of one room and a bathroom since we live with the rest of the family. How does one straddle the middle ground--being kind but firm--to the people who help us raise our children. I guess like any relationship, it's all in communication.
Thank goodness for the book Keep it Together before chaos by Frannie S. Daez...it is helping me get my act together...starting today.

Sleepless Last Night

2008-02-17T17:26:00.003+08:00

Tossed and turned beyond 3 AM. The past few weeks replaying in my head, not quite in the way they happened, but in the way my vicious mind said they should have happened. I lay awake imaging what was not. I got more miserable by the minute. By dawn, I was angry.

The daughter suffered a terrible blow yesterday. After weeks of intense preparation for a sports event in school, she lost. I watched her crumble. I experienced her terrible disappointment. I wanted to take away all her pain. But I was paralyzed. Her entire team wrapped her in a huddle, shielding off others from seeing her in tears. I couldn't find the strength to break into the circle. I couldn't even summon up the words of comfort. I stiffened up, felt trapped somehow. When she needed me most, I just couldn't make myself emotionally available to her. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, suddenly shrunk into a helpless inch, shoved into a bottle of my own critical thoughts.

At my daughter's lowest point, I collapsed into self blame. I kept accusing myself of not doing enough. I beat myself up. I tortured myself with regret. And, unfortunately, made myself emotionally unavailable to her. I hated myself and lost the precious chance to be there for my daughter. This afternoon, bleary eyed and punch drunk with fatigue, the truth dawned on me: the cliche is right. You can only give your kids the love you have for yourself. If there's not much love there from you for you, your kids lose out.

Quality time and quality life

2008-02-08T10:04:00.000+08:00

Up to a few weeks ago, my time with family seemed to be punctuated with impatience. I arrived home, carried Javo for a few minutes and gave him back to his yaya. Played with him for a few minutes then returned him again. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Why did I not want to spend so much time and effort with my baby who is so sweet and loving?

The same was true with my relationship with Martin. More and more often I would be impatient and snap for no apparent reason. So much so that he said if I was like that now, what would life be like when I reached the menopausal stage.

At work, I would get irritated at the slightest problem. It was all over me--this gloom, doom, and beware the cat with hidden claws and fangs. And then it happened.

The experience is as life-altering as the Landmark Forum experience--at least to me it was. A few weeks ago I was introduced to this sanitary napkin that has an anion strip in it. The anion strip contains thousands of negative ions which is found in rain, forest, ocean, waterfalls. Apparently these negative ions help with mood, gives high energy, helps control bacteria too.

Since I began using these pads, I have had more energy to play with Javo--I can lift him in the air, play energetically with him for as long as I want, and be patient with him when I need to be patient. I have also been more patient with Martin and things at work. All in all, this has been a miraculous find for me. It has changed my life in so very many positive ways. Although this has been its effect on me, on others the surge in energy may not be as noticeable--maybe just a bit more energy to run the extra mile but nonetheless it has made an impact in our lives

I now have more energy, patience, and love to do what needs to be done--both at home and at work. I didn't realize how big an impact fatigue played on my life until then.

life changes

2008-02-07T09:37:00.000+08:00

Last night was a testimony to how much my life has changed. I am a mother to a nine-month old boy. Life before that was carefree--all I had to think about was myself. I could spend or not spend at my whim without having to think of consequences to others. Today, I find myself withholding on myself as things for Javo are now paramount--his milk, his diapers, his health, his comfort.

I sit here typing with half an ear towards the room in case he wakes up. His yaya is sick and getting well and so his care falls to me. The night before as I was caring for him, I had to take a work-related call and looking for someone to turn him over to was an experience. So was the panic yesterday when I received a text message about a meeting at 10:30--it was 10:30 and I was still in my home clothes--with no yaya and Martin had left on an errand. It's a good thing someone was able to take him while Martin was gone.

I'm new to this--this pull between home and work. I know my baby comes first but what about my responsibility to the office. But then again, what about my responsibility to my family?